AKA when professional readers invade their natural habitat and frighten the amateurs
"Loved this one. Oh, that one was meh. That one has the best ship. Burn that one with satan's unholy fire, then burn it again."
Me: *arrives at the Teen Fantasy and Adventure shelf*
Me: *unfolds tent*
Me: *moves in*
"Do not allow me to walk out of here with more than one book."
"No matter what, I'm not allowed to buy more than three books."
"Cut me off at ten books, okay?"
"Right but I do need this book in paperback as well as hardback because they redesigned the paperback and the cover is much better and I'm in the acknowledgments and I did her blog tour, you know?"
"You know they aren't making ARCs of the next book? How much does that suck? My collection will be incomplete!"
"THIS SERIES IS ARRANGED OUT OF ORDER I MUST FIX IT WHAT IGNORAMUS IS RUNNING THIS DEPARTMENT"
"You HAVE to read this book. IT IS LIFE CHANGING"
"But TBR is insane!"
"I will NEVER buy his books. Not after he attacked that one star reviewer like that."
"Even if he hadn't, his love interest is a total MPDG. Hard pass."
"Yeah, all the reviews are really bad anyway."
"I loved this book as an ARC seven months ago."
"So glad it finally came out so everyone can read it."
Me: *sees table labelled BOOKS TEENS ARE BUYING NOW*
Me: *casually covers books she hates with books she loves*
"Ughhh, WHY did they redesign this cover?! The original was so unique!"
"The cover treatment on this series! THAT VELVETY FINISH."
Me: *sees people near the BOOKS TURNED INTO MOVIES table*
Me: ugh, amateurs
"That book has the loveliest publicist."
"I don't understand why she's not a huge bestseller! She's so nice on twitter!"
"Is...is that a book I've never heard of?! How...is that...possible..."
"That book is NOT. FANTASY. WHAT IS IT DOING ON THIS SHELF."
Salesperson: Hey there! Need help finding anything? How about some recommendations?
Me: *is deeply insulted*
"Why is this book on the shelf? Why has nobody bought it yet? I should buy it. It deserves a home."
"I waited two hours to get this signed at BEA last year. So worth it."
Me: *sees stranger pick up Big Name Book That is Actually Terrible*
Me: okay but what if you bought these thirty seven OTHER books instead
"This imprint has been publishing the shittiest contemporaries lately."
"They did a really awesome preorder deal for that title."
"Lol, they're still trying to make dystopian happen?"
"Everybody with a pulse should read this book."
"...isn't that the book in your purse?"
Me: *sees favorite book*
Me: *makes out with it*
"The reviews of that one have been so good, but I didn't like her other books. I should buy it. Susie gave it 4.5 stars."
"I can't believe that book is a bestseller. It's a total rip off of The Shadow Demon Queens of Fire and Ash."
"OMG THIS SERIES IT OUT OF ORDER AS WELL WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL"
"The finished copy is so beautiful."
"I'll buy...this one."
"That one? But you've read it twice!"
"Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!"