AKA when professional readers invade their natural habitat and frighten the amateurs
"Loved this one. Oh, that one was meh. That one has the best ship. Burn that one with satan's unholy fire, then burn it again."
Me: *arrives at the Teen Fantasy and Adventure shelf*
Me: *unfolds tent*
Me: *moves in*
"Do not allow me to walk out of here with more than one book."
"No matter what, I'm not allowed to buy more than three books."
"Cut me off at ten books, okay?"
"Right but I do need this book in paperback as well as hardback because they redesigned the paperback and the cover is much better and I'm in the acknowledgments and I did her blog tour, you know?"
"You know they aren't making ARCs of the next book? How much does that suck? My collection will be incomplete!"
"THIS SERIES IS ARRANGED OUT OF ORDER I MUST FIX IT WHAT IGNORAMUS IS RUNNING THIS DEPARTMENT"
"You HAVE to read this book. IT IS LIFE CHANGING"
"But TBR is insane!"
"I will NEVER buy his books. Not after he attacked that one star reviewer like that."
"Even if he hadn't, his love interest is a total MPDG. Hard pass."
"Yeah, all the reviews are really bad anyway."
"I loved this book as an ARC seven months ago."
"So glad it finally came out so everyone can read it."
Me: *sees table labelled BOOKS TEENS ARE BUYING NOW*
Me: *casually covers books she hates with books she loves*
"Ughhh, WHY did they redesign this cover?! The original was so unique!"
"The cover treatment on this series! THAT VELVETY FINISH."
Me: *sees people near the BOOKS TURNED INTO MOVIES table*
Me: ugh, amateurs
"That book has the loveliest publicist."
"I don't understand why she's not a huge bestseller! She's so nice on twitter!"
"Is...is that a book I've never heard of?! How...is that...possible..."
"That book is NOT. FANTASY. WHAT IS IT DOING ON THIS SHELF."
Salesperson: Hey there! Need help finding anything? How about some recommendations?
Me: *is deeply insulted*
"Why is this book on the shelf? Why has nobody bought it yet? I should buy it. It deserves a home."
"I waited two hours to get this signed at BEA last year. So worth it."
Me: *sees stranger pick up Big Name Book That is Actually Terrible*
Me: okay but what if you bought these thirty seven OTHER books instead
"This imprint has been publishing the shittiest contemporaries lately."
"They did a really awesome preorder deal for that title."
"Lol, they're still trying to make dystopian happen?"
"Everybody with a pulse should read this book."
"...isn't that the book in your purse?"
Me: *sees favorite book*
Me: *makes out with it*
"The reviews of that one have been so good, but I didn't like her other books. I should buy it. Susie gave it 4.5 stars."
"I can't believe that book is a bestseller. It's a total rip off of The Shadow Demon Queens of Fire and Ash."
"OMG THIS SERIES IT OUT OF ORDER AS WELL WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL"
"The finished copy is so beautiful."
"I'll buy...this one."
"That one? But you've read it twice!"
"Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!"
Posts
Hahahaha, yes! Sometimes I feel like changing up the shelves, simply because I feel books are in the wrong order, in the wrong section or they are highlighting books I did not like.
ReplyDeleteThere is no greater test of my strength than series arranged out of order
Delete^^ those putting books on teh shelves should be book lovers to start with but sadly it's less and less teh case if you saw trhe shelves here *________* ç_ç and so , so many gaps and some with bended corners etc argggggggg
ReplyDeleteomgggg bended corners that is TRAGIC
DeleteSo many of these.... hahaha
ReplyDeleteEspecially the 'cut me off at ten!'
Thanks for sharing, this made me laugh because some of these are just SO TRUE TO LIFE. ;)
:D Yay, glad I made you laugh!
DeleteThis post made me smile! I can definitely relate to all of these! XD
ReplyDeletewe booknerds are certainly a unique bunch!
DeleteMy rage when my library labels every fantasy book science fiction!
ReplyDeleteSUCH RAAAAAAGE
DeleteI cracked up reading this entire post because it's SO TRUE. Honestly, I've said or done or thought all of these things at some point :D
ReplyDeleteBook bloggers are a menace to bookstores everywhere haha
DeleteSUCH TRUTH! I often find myself saying these things in bookstores to my husband, who really doesn't care, but other people hear me and ask me for recommendations. I LOVE giving recommendations!
ReplyDeleteI am also a hardcover and then paperback buyer. I really try to only own my auto buy authors books, so it's pretty much all a collection. I get the ARC (if I can), hardcover, and then the paperback. And the paperback *MOST* times has additional content - short stories, additional letter, recipes, ETC! Definitely need them all.
Same! I love having the HC and the PB, especially if they redesign the covers or if there's extra content!
DeleteMe. Every time I enter a bookstore.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds just like me! Going to a bookstore is always a fun adventure! My husband finds my commentary rather entertaining. :D
ReplyDeleteClearly your husband is a KEEPER
DeleteAKA when professional readers invade their natural habitat and frighten the amateurs <--- so, so true. When people ask if I need help or if I see someone looking at a bad book I want to yell and help
ReplyDeleteomg the urge to intervene is SO STRONG
DeleteGreat post Gillian! Being a bookseller myself, even on my days off if I go into the store I can't help but tidy up those sections which aren't as they should be, and put things in the right order. Trying to *not* be tempted by all the books out there I don't already know...is hard. Book buying bans soon fly out the window!
ReplyDeleteEugenia @ Genie In A Book
hahahah it's a tough life we lead!
DeleteI also get itchy to books in the right order and to even sort books my authors that are friends and put them together!
ReplyDeleteIt's quite funny when my friends come home and ask for recommendations from my shelves... I always start with "as soon as this one is published in Spanish you just HAVE to read it!!"
i ALWAYS want to resort the books! omg that must be tough, having to wait for the translations to come out!
DeleteSo much truth!!
ReplyDeleteI love this post so much. An indescribable amount really. I kind of consider it perfection, with all of it's GG gifs/pictures, of course. Hilarious. I remember I saw this girl pick up a book I read half of and loved and I was like "Oh, that one's really good!" and she just smiled, held the book then later put it away. Much to my sadness.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, amazing post.
Thank you!!!
Deleteomg that girl made the gravest mistake of her LIFE
Haha, I love this so much! I even have these thoughts at the library, LOL. I do have to say, some series are out of order because of the title. I still hate when that happens, though! Another one I have is, "Wait ok, I know this has great reviews but I can't remember what it's about.. And the cover is so beautiful.. but I only have 3 minutes until the store closes so no time to research... eh, time to splurge *puts in cart*"
ReplyDeleteThis scenario post reminds me of Epic Reads #BookwormProblems!
Jess @ Princessica of Books
THIS IS PERFECT OMG. I hate when series are out of order and seeing what books they put on certain tables and endcaps *side eye*. I love spying on what people are picking up too. I think I scared a couple of teen girls once because I very enthusiastically started telling them out much I loved the books they were picking out. They kind of looked at like.... ok. You're old, but ok.
ReplyDeleteWe should go to a bookstore together.
My greatest story was overhearing a BN worker trying to help a 12 year old boy find a book but he had READ EVERYTHING. Like, all the good teen stuff! So I nosily interrupted and said, "Have you read Throne of Glass? It's about a female assassin and it's really awesome" and shoved it in his hands. He said thanks and looked at it and I was so happyyyyyy. Then when I was walking to my car, he saw me again and said "Thanks for the book, I bought it." BE STILL MY HEART <3
The Shadow Demon Queens of Fire and Ash *CACKLES FOR 20 YEARS*
Omg, haha! These are all so true! There's actually this one bookstore I discovered that literally has couches and seats on it and a place where you can literally just sit there and hang out at the bookstore and (possibly, I think?) read. The atmosphere even feels like home! WHY ISN'T IT POSSIBLE TO LIVE AT BOOKSTORES, HONESTLY.
ReplyDeleteReally fun post, Gillian! xD
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Mara @ Mara Was Here
Belle is the ultimate pre-blogging book blogger fangirl.
ReplyDeleteI resemble this post.
ReplyDelete