Reading Out of My Comfort Zone

I have a pretty well set comfort zone when it comes to books. Gillian books are super easy for me to recognize.

Non-Gillian books are basically anything without magic or kissing or explosions or dragons or princesses or warriors or banter. They're issue books, and adult novels, and books with  no kissing whatsover. Books where nobody even thinks about kissing. Like, not even for a teeny second.

I'm Not Guilty About My Pleasures

The idea for this post started from a discussion I had with Christina, Meg, and Ellis. We were discussing a certain very popular series and whether or not I should read them. Christina said I should because she liked them even though she knows they are probably not what she would normally consider good.

This post isn't exactly about the concept of "guilty pleasures", which is a term I generally have a lot of issues with for reasons that boil down to: if you like it, you shouldn't feel guilty about it, because no form of entertainment is lesser than any other, but that's a post for a different day.

This post is mostly about books that we shouldn't like for personal, subjective reasons... but do for personal, subjective reasons. You know the feeling. You're reading something that, logically, you should hate, something that, by your own unique personal standards, should be considered genuinely terrible. And yet. You just kind of love it. It's like me and Slim Jims. I know that shit is nasty, but man, do I love them. These are pleasures your own brain will make you try to feel guilty about, but that you shouldn't. The outliers of your own personal taste, if you will. Books you love in spite of yourself.

Basically all of these books were books I read before I started blogging and I truly figured out what is was I liked and, more importantly, why. And also I grew up and Learned Things about the world, like sparkly blood-drinking stalkers or ragey wolf boys that frequently explode out of their clothes are probably not the ideal male specimens.
 
Now, this isn't meant as a "these are REALLY BAD BOOKS" post. Some of the books I say I should hate may be considered a wonderful book by someone else, and that's okay. As Meg says, "It's not that these are terrible, but that large portions of them trouble me, but I love them anyway." These "love them in spite of all reason" books are books that aren't terrible, but to that one individual, they SHOULD be... but aren't.

Sometimes you just really need a crack read.

Books I love or have loved even though I know I don't think they're good:

 The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I'm not going to list all the numerous things wrong with Twilight. We know what we are, and we've read those posts before. Trust me; I know what they are, too. I could probably write a thesis paper on Twilight, but that's also sort of my point--I have read these books multiple times. I enjoy reading these books for reasons I can hardly articulate. Back before my readerly brain really developed, aka when I was sixteen and emotionally fetal, I read the first three Twilight books in four days and MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER. Before that, I read very little YA besides Meg Cabot and maybe one or two others.

Besides Harry Potter, to which no other series can ever be compared for me, I'd never experienced that kind of captial-O-Obsession before, and it was the beginning of my descent into fangirl madness. I didn't know there was such a think as fanfiction or the interwebs or even fandom at all, and while i was never part of the online Twilight fandom, it was the gateway "personal brand of heroin", if you will, to the big wide world of bookish passions and YA as a whole.

Plus, the summer I discovered Twilight, aka juuuust before it got SUPER mainstream (HIPSTER ALERT), I went on a community service program in India. I was scared I wouldn't make friends, and then I found out that two of the girls had also just read Twilight and didn't have anyone else to talk to them about. INSTANT FRIENDSHIPS BORN.



All of Eva Ibbotson's romance novels

 These books are my CRACK. I own every single one of her books, and while I genuinely enjoy her glorious children's novel and consider them excellent books, her romance novels? Love. And yet they're completely absurd, the writing is overly flowery and over-the-top, every whimsical heroine is exactly the same, every (slightly infantilizing) love interest is exactly the same,  but who cares I am enjoying myself so much. These books are guaranteed to cheer me up whenever I'm down, or whenever I want to turn off my inner book critic. They are romantic and oh so much fun.

Spanish Holiday by Kate Cann



THIS BOOK. I read it so often as a teen that the cover fell off.

The Sharing Knife series by Lois McMaster Bujold

 

 LMB is considered a giant in the world of genre fiction, and I know tons of people love these series (ME INCLUDED), but I shouldn't like this for a lot of personal-taste reasons. Like, I'm not sure I'd recommend these, but oh my God, do I have the fondest feelings for this high fantasy series. I read these books when I was seventeen, aka the greatest summer of reading of my life in which I read a book a day by the pool for two weeks straight. My glorious binge ended only when I got the worst sunburn of my life, but every time I see a book that I read during that period of reading nirvana, I smile at it knowingly, like I had a particularly torrid and passionate affair with it once upon a time.

Meg, Christina, and Ellis have some not-so-guilty-pleasures of their own, too!

Christina: My romance authors were Judith McNaught and Jude Deveraux. It really felt like eating all of your Halloween candy in one sitting. I was alllll about The A-List, Jodi Picoult, and Fearless.

Meg: Nora Roberts, the Fever series, Gossip Girl, LJ Smith

Ellis: The It Girl books, aka the Gossip Girl spinoff that was all about big-boobed Jenny.

So, what books do you like in spite of your own tastes and judgment, aka a book you should dislike but actually love? (Like me with 99% of the TV I watch. America's Next Top Model, I just can't quit you.)

Top Ten Books That Will Make You Cry

Hosted by The Broke and the Bookish

OH LOOK, I CHEATED. QUELLE SURPRISE. This was such a tough topic because I'm the world's biggest crybaby. There are some books I just can't bring myself to read because I know I'll simply dissolve when I do(The Fault In Our Stars, Second Chance Summer, and The Book Thief, to name a few). Here are the ones I've made it through, and here are the levels of sobbery they caused me.

Ten Tissue Books



Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

Ouch my heart.

If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch

This book is gorgeous, bittersweet, and ultimately uplifting.

The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson

Another beautiful book that hurts SO BAD but has just enough light to balance the dark.

Entire Box of Tissues Books



Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas

You KNOW what you did, Sarah. You know.

Endangered by Eliot Schrefer

ANIMALS IN DANGER. Animal human friendship. You are made of stone if you do not cry like a little bitch baby.

"I Need to Lie Down in a Bed of Tissues" Books 



Through the Ever Night by Veronica Rossi

The "thing". The "thing" happened and I want it to unhappen because noooo

Lady Thief by A.C. Gaughen

Everything hurts and I'm dying.

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein

*throws things* *wails* *hides under pillows*

Requires a Factory of Tissues Books



These Broken Stars by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner

Oh look, another traumatic "thing" from which I will never recover.

Kinslayer by Jay Kristoff

Nobody knows the trouble I seeeeee.... nobody knows my sorrowwwww...

"Book Me a Shuttle to Tissue Planet" Books



Allegiant by Veronica Roth

Heaving, hiccuping sobs. Choking, punched-in-the-chest, dying-from-asphyxiation sobs. Hideous, painful, don't-look-at-me-until-I-smear-the-feelings-off-my-face sobs.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

I read this entire book on a long bus ride to camp full of fellow twelve-year-olds. I proceeded to weep copiously in front of my fellow twelve-year-olds.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

KILL ALL MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS, WHY DON'T YOU, JO.

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

*points above* *refuses to speak of this*

If I Stay by Gayle Forman

Ughhhhhh the traumaaaaaa. Seriously, I finished this book while in the bath and I was thisclose to slipping under the water and drowning myself to end the pain (not really, but my bath was mostly saltwater by the end).

Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Why do they let children read these books?!

And the saddest book of all goes to... a 2014 series ender that doesn't come out for months and months that I've already read. I know, I'm a big tease, but it happens to be the SADDEST SAD TO EVER SAD. YOU WILL NOT EVEN BELIEVE IT WHEN IT HAPPENS, GUYS. You will not even believe.

How Mood Reading is Both the Best and Worst Thing

I'm a huge mood reader. I like to think of it as having Reading Muses. You know how people who write or draw or paint like to wait until the Muses inspire them? When they're filled with that urge to create and the words and pictures just flow right out of them? I live for that as a reader. My Reading Muses (Ruses? Sure, why not) are very much in control of me, which is why I usually start about five books at a time and then go with the one that grabs me. (I know, I'm kind of insane, but I'm an excellent multitasker.)

This can lead to absolutely wonderful experiences, like the reading journey I've been on for the last week. If you follow me on Twitter or Goodreads, you might have noticed that my entire life and brain and thoughts and TBR list has been decimated by a certain reading bomb called the Percy Jackson series. I bought the boxed set on a whim and because they were cheap and because a bunch of my friends love them (and a couple of them are utterly obsessed). I expected to like them. January and February are very busy for me, blog-wise, so I didn't really have the time to read them all. I thought I'd take a peek at The Lightning Thief and see what all the fuss is about. After all, Tumblr is pretty fond of these books for a reason, right? There might be something to them.



OH HELLO, READING MUSES, HOW KIND OF YOU TO SHOW UP!

Boom. Totally obsessed. Totally absorbed. I couldn't put the books down. I read with the speed of the sun. All my waking thoughts were absorbed by this series. It is my favorite feeling in the world, where you're just hurtling through a fictional world at breakneck speed, and you'll die if you have to stop, you just have to get to the end. You just have to consume all the words. I will bite the face off whoever interrupts me from this book.

 

I read tons of books. It's kind of the nature of the job. I dislike a lot of them, because covers and blurbs are lying liars who lie.  I enjoy a lot of them, because I'm good at finding books that suit my tastes. I love some of them, because books can be great. But it's a rare book that gives you that addicted, fully immersed feeling. Ever since the days of Harry Potter, I've been addicted to that feeling. Do you remember the glory of receiving a brand new Harry Potter in the mail and just knowing the whole day was gone, because Harry and Company were waiting for you? God, I loved that feeling. Every time I find it, I go with it, because that's why I read.

The problem? I'm a book blogger. I have commitments and deadlines and review copies. Sadly, blazing through all 1700 pages of the first five Percy Jackson books completely destroyed my reading schedule, and I'm struggling to recover (while also reading The Lost Hero. Shhh, don't tell anyone). It's actually completely irresponsible of me to have taken such a huge reading detour right now when I'm already stretched pretty thin. I could have read and reviewed so many ARCs in that time.

At the same time, though, ignore my Reading Muses would have been nearly physically painful. That's such a rare feeling, and I can hardly remember the last time I had it. Sometimes, reading review books can be a real effort. Reading out of obligation can be painful, especially if it's a book that, had I not agreed to read it, I would have put down by now. I'm so impressed with the bloggers I know who maintain their rigorous reading schedule, reading review books in order of release date and always on time. I try to do that, but I just can't. Maybe I don't have the discipline. (No 'maybe' about it. I definitely don't have the discipline.)

Being gripped by the Reading Muses so fiercely reminded me that I read because I like it. And yes, I love reading review books, because oftentimes, I get to read books that would normally pass me by. But I was so stressed about them, and then the Muses got me, and I remembered why it is I do this-- because reading is the funnest thing in the world for me. And thankfully, those fickle Muses sometimes lead me towards the books I'm supposed to read. And every now and then, I rustle up the strength to corral them and force them to get on board with my current ARC. Sometimes, I make those Muses my bitches, and sometimes... well, I let them take the reins.



What about you? Are you a mood reader? When was the last time the Reading Muses ruined your life took over?

LGBT YA in 2014

I'm always pleased when, while peeking through publisher catalogues and people's Goodreads TBRs, I see titles involving LGBT themes. They're becoming more and more prevalent, and I couldn't be happier about it. 2014 includes more than any other year before it, it seems, and what's even better is that a lot of them seem to be super cute and happy rom-com types. Not that I don't love the super heartbreaking ones that probe deep issues, but varietyis always excellent.

Here are just a sampling of the LGBT YA fiction I've got my eye on in the coming year:



The Summer I Wasn't Me by Jessica Verdi
When it's releasing: April 1
Who's publishing it: Sourcebooks Fire
Why you want it: I've read this one, and confession: it's wrenching. A teen girl gets sent to a de-gayification camp to please her mother, but it's there that she discovers herself, finds love, and makes a totally awesome best friend.



One Man Guy by Michael Barakiva
When it's releasing: May 27th
Who's publishing it: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (Macmillan)
Why you want it: Hellooo, adorable illustrated cover. A nerdy Armenian boy maybe falls in love with cool, hipster skateboarder dude. It sounds like the cutest.



Otherbound by Corinne Duyvis
When it's releasing: June 17th
Who's publishing it: Amulet (Abrams)
Why you want it: LGBT FANTASY. LGBT fantasy. LGBT FANTASY!!!!

 

Fan Art by Sarah Tregay
When it's releasing: June 17
Who's publishing it: Katherine Tegen (HarperCollins)
Why you want it: It's about an artist boy who falls in love with his best friend. Art! Cute cover! Friendship to (maybe) romance!



Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith
When it's releasing: February 11th
Who's publishing it: Dutton Juvenile (Penguin)
Why you want it: Despite its poisonously green cover (seriously, I have a copy of this thing, and it could blind you), this book is supposed to be completely on crack in the best way. It's about the end of the world? Or giant grasshoppers? Or something? I don't even know, but I'm excited.


 
Everything Leads to You by Nina LaCour
When it's releasing: May 15th
Who's publishing it: Dutton Juvenile (Penguin)
Why you want it: Because I want to frame this cover and hang it on my wall, that's why. And it's about a film buff/wunderkind set designer obsessed with Old Hollywood. Yes, please.



Dark Metropolis by Jaclyn Dolamore
When it's releasing: June 17
Who's publishing it: Disney Hyperion
Why you want it: There isn't any LGBT-ness in the synopses, but I hear this is LGBT-related and the worldbuilding just sounds completely gorgeous and unique. I must have it.



My Best Friend, Maybe by Caela Carter
When it's releasing: June 3rd
Who's publishing it: Bloomsbury
Why you want it: It's a summery book set in the Greek Isles about a pair of best friends who stopped being friends... but it seems to me that they just might end up being more.

Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley (coverless)
When it's releasing: October
Who's publishing it: HarlequinTeen
Why you want it: Lesbian desegregtion romance. It's set in a newly integrated high school in 1959 Virginia in which a black girl and a white girl fall in love, and I'm sorry, my brain just exploded in anticipation.

A few others to look out for: Far From You by Tess Sharpe, Lies My Girlfriend Told Me by Julie Anne Peters, Guardian by Alex London.

I left off a bunch more, including some that weren't too clear about LGBT-ness in their synopses or were too far out for me to have any real information on them. But like I said, I'm so happy that publishers seems to be producing more and more LGBT fiction, and the ones above all sound pretty amazing. 

Second Book Syndrome (and What That Is and Why)

These days, YA is dominated by trilogies. I'll admit I'm not one of those people who gets trilogy fatigue. I like investing in series. I like having time to fall in love with characters and get fully immersed in a world. I don't roll my eyes when I hear of  yet another YA book marketed as "the first in a spellbinding trilogy" (okay, I'll roll my eyes at the "spellbinding" part). I like trilogies and their rhythms.

Except for Second Book Syndrome.

Beast is here to help us through this lesson. Just go with it.

I recently read two completely opposite examples of Second Books. One was such a terrific disappointment, falling into every bad cliche of a second book and ruining the charm of its predecessor. The other was absolutely sublime, and outshined its prequel in every way.

So what is Second Book Syndrome? This is an instance where the rhythm of the trilogy is off. Instead of upping the ante, the author ups the angst. Instead of quickening the plot, the plot drags. The shine wears off, the characters become more wearying, and that, ladies and gentleman, is Second Book Syndrome. It's when the second book falls short of the first, and it's sadly pretty common. Those second books are killer. They're the middle of the structure, and they've got a lot of heavy lifting to do. They bear so much  narrative weight.

The Cliche (Unsuccessful) Structure of a SBS Trilogy

Book one: EVERYTHING IS NEW AND SHINY! Oo, worldbuilding, tell me more! LE GASP! WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? EEEE, I'm in love with my new book and I want to date it forever and marry it and have its book children and it will never let me down because it's JUST SO SHINY!

Beast likes!

Book two: Yeah, I don't remember these people. *checks watch* Um. More worldbuilding? Seriously? *watches as author moves characters into position* You're so going to end on a cliffhanger, aren't you? WHY IS THIS LOVE STILL TRIANGULAR??

Beast isn't too sure about this.

Book three: BATTLE BATTLE DEATH DEATH EXCITING EXCITING KISS KISS DEATH DEATH OMG OMG AHHHHHH NEVER LEAVE ME BOOK WHY AUTHOR WHYYYYY NOOOO

Beast LOVES when books do this!

Let's completely butcher a metaphor here and compare starting a series to starting a relationship.That poor second book has to move all the pieces into place. We don't get the new and exciting introductions of the first book, when you're discovering this fascinating world and characters.
The first book is the first date; that's the heady rush of first love, the honeymoon period, where every single thing about your book partner makes you happy. The third book is the golden period, when you've been through so much with the characters and you're so familiar and in love with them that you'll cry if they get so much as a paper cut.

Second book is divorce time. Breakup time. Philandering time.

Beast hates this.

The good news is that there are some series that defy Second Book Syndrome (obviously this is a subjective list, and you're free to disagree with me on my choices but obviously you are wrong so shhhh).

Books and Series That Do Not Suffer from Second Book Syndrome

Edit: I realize these are not all from trilogies, but they're still second books, SO THEY COUNT.

Through the Ever Night by Veronica Rossi, sequel to Under the Never Sky and the book that inspired this post, because seriously, talk about upping the ante.

Beast devoured this book in one sitting.

The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater, sequel to The Raven Boys
All the relationships deepened, some seriously WTF things happened, my SHIP became ever so much more SHIPPABLE (important), and I seriously have no idea what will happen next. The feels this second book produced...

The Crown of Embers by Rae Carson, sequel to The Girl of Fire and Thorns
This sequel, in particular, is one of the most flagrant defiers of SBS I've ever read. Nearly all of the problems I had in TGoFaT (favorite acronym ever) were addressed in TCoE, the stakes are considerably raised, and Hectorly Hector Hector Hector while Hectorful Hector Hector.

Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas, sequel to Throne of Glass
Ho. Ly. Crap. I really loved Throne of Glass, but Crown of Midnight is on an entirely different level. The book LOSES ITS MIND. It tears you apart and goes deeper and darker than I ever thought this series would go. Don't give up on this series until after you've read CoM. (By which I mean, don't you dare give up on this series because it's the best.)

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo, sequel to Shadow and Bone
I Sturmhond love Alina so Sturmhond much in this Sturmhond book and the Sturmhond way she struggles with her dark Sturmhond side, her ambition, and her enormous Sturmhond power. I love the real Sturmhond threat of the Darkling, the epic pace of the Sturmhond  plot, the even more epic final Sturmhond showdown, THE ENDING WHICH IS LIKE WHAT EVEN STURMHOND. Oh, and DID I MENTION STURMHOND?

The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner, sequel to The Thief
I enjoyed The Thief, but in all honesty I wasn't blown away by it. Queen of Attolia is a whole different animal, with a whopper of a twist and a ship to end all ships.

In the Hand of the Goddess by Tamora Pierce, sequel to Alanna: The First Adventure
Book two is when the hormones kick in and the sexing happens, so obviously it's better.

A Darkness Strange and Lovely by Susan Dennard, sequel to Something Strange and Deadly
Paris! More shenanigans! A heroine whose morality is more gray than white! Ohhhh, do I love this second book so much.

Everbound by Brodi Ashton, sequel to Everneath
My God, did I love Everbound. I really enjoyed Everneath, but Everbound was action-packed and taught us so much more about the world of the Everneath. We get a lot of Nikki developments, some really swoony stuff, and lots of Cole Coling around being Cole.

Now Beast is a happy reader, free to read trilogies without fear.

Have you come across a lot of books with Second Book Syndrome? Which are some of the worst offenders? Or, better yet, which are the books that totally fly in the face of the Syndrome? Let me know what your favorite sequels are!

All I Want for Christmas is Books

I am a total Christmas Elf. I am a lost Who of Whoville. I am Cindy Lou Who. I am Buddy the Elf's jollier little sister. I sing carols, I bake cookies, I make decoration, I write Christmas cards. I LIVE for the holidays, immersing myself in as much Christmas-ness as possible. Which means I like to read books that feel like winter and holidays, and what's more, I like to give them out as gifts!

Here's a quick and easy guide of holiday-adjacent reading you should check out this December:

For the classics lover:

 

The Annoted Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
This is one of my favorite novels of all time, and in this annotated edition, it's brought to life with gorgeous illustrations and historical asides. Plus the cover is shiiiiiny.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Only part of this book revolves around Christmas, but for me, the classic Little Women will always be associated with winter nights, family cheer, carrolling around the piano, and poisonous Amy March plunging into a frozen pond. Ahhh, gotta love the holiday season.

For the lover of cuteness and romance:

 

Let It Snow by John Green, Maureen Johnson, and Lauren Myracle
The book is comprised of three connected novellas by three of the biggest contemporary YA authors. Of the three stories, the Johnson's is my favorite, followed closely by Green, but the book as a whole will make you laugh and swoon and fill you with all the holiday fuzzies.

Decked with Holly by Marni Bates
This book is both supremely silly and supremely hilarious. This book is like a candy cane: sweet and rather insubstantial, but that's precisely its charm. I enjoyed myself so thoroughly reading this. It's also really not that Christmas-y, despite the title and cover. Whatever. Don't over think it. It's cute.

Ex-Mas by Kate Brian
Now, I haven't read this one myself, but it's about two battling exes and a magical adventure and a love-hate story, so it totally sounds like something fun and enjoyable.

For the quirky hipsters:



Dash & Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan

I'll admit I only read part of this book, and while it's not to my style, there are others out there guaranteed to love quirky, intelligent Lily and Dash and their unconventional holiday romance.
 
For the history buff:



The Man Who Invented Christmas: How Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol Rescued His Career and Revived Our Holiday Spirits by Les Standiford
Despite that rather unwieldy post-colonic subtitle, this book is a swift and interesting look at the man who helped define Christmas culture in the Western world.

Silent Night: The Remarkable Christmas Truce of 1914 by Stanley Weintraub
I love European history, mostly because it's full of strange and wonderful and confusing little moments like this one, when soldiers on opposite sides of the trenches put down their weapons for one Christmas and joined together to eat and drink and sing carols together.

For those is need of a laugh:



Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris
Few people are funnier than David Sedaris, so I'm sure a book chock-full of his Christmas stories can only be hilarious.

You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas
I've never read any of Burroughs's books, but I hear he's terrifically funny and dark, and this cover made me laugh for about a solid minute,

 For the fantastical:



Cold Spell by Jackson Pearce
Frozen, Disney's interpretation of The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson, just released in theaters, but a few months ago Pearce's newest fairy tale reimagining came out too.

The Bitter Kingdom by Rae Carson
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this series, and the final installment, set in the snowy mountains between two battling kingdoms, might be the best of the three. Plus, HECTOR. HEEEEECTORRR.

These next three books are all based on a snowy fairy tale, "East of the Sun and West of the Moon". As to which one is the best, I'm not sure, because I haven't read any! They all look quite intriguing ot me.



Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow by Jessica Day George

Ice by Sarah Beth Durst

East by Edith Pattou

What are your favorite holiday-related reads? Do any on my list intrigue you? What would you add?

How to Go On a Book Binge

If you follow me on Twitter or Goodreads, you might have noticed that I am currently hip-deep in a binge read of the Under the Never Sky trilogy. I've just been gobbling down the pages like they're going out of style (I think that was a mixed metaphor, but we don't have time to dwell, there are PAGES TO READ). It's been quite an intense experience, so I put together a guide for my fellow marathon readers for the next time they attempt a binge.

Step 1: Assemble your materials.

Step 2: Have snacks and hydration on standby. Make sure you have access to a steady source of caffeine.

 


Step 3: Prepare your reading location. Comfort, light, room to stretch. Don your most comfortable and most hideous clothes.

Step 4: Place a box of tissues nearby in case of an onslaught of feels.

Step 5: Inform all of your friends and acquaintances that they will not receive any answers to their texts or emails for your set amount of binge time.

Step 6: If you have a pet, make sure they have a nest nearby and have been recently fed so they don't bother you.

Step 7: Use the restroom before beginning.

Step 8: BEGIN READING.

Step 9: Make sure to take breathing breaks. Roll your shoulders out to relieve tension. Try to persuade your pet to massage you. Become the most brilliant human being in  history when you obviously succeed.

Step 10: KEEP READING.

Step 11: Put the book down briefly so you can run in circles around the room and scream, "Ohmigodohmigodohmigod".

Step 12: FINISH BOOK ONE. THROW YOURSELF A MENTAL PARTY. Go on Twitter and CELEBRATE!

Step 13: You will now be struck with either the insatiable urge to pick up Book Two (CLIFFHANGERS!!!), or you will be filled with that sense of completion and success one feels upon finishing a book. DON'T SUCCUMB TO THAT. PERSERVERE. IMAGINE HOW AWESOME YOU'LL FEEL IF YOU FINISH *TWO*BOOKS.

Step 14: Eat snacks. Bathroom break. Text people your emotions. "ASDGJDFGHJ!!!" is perfectly acceptable.

Step 15: BEGIN BOOK TWO.

Step 16: This is where you will lose momentum. Stay strong. Turn off your phone. DO NOT BE DISTRACTED.

Step 17: Readreadreadreadreadreadreadread.

 

Step 18: Hiss menacingly at whatever idiot dares to ring your doorbell or call your landline (do people even have those anymore?).

Step 19: Twitter break so you can keyboard-smash at the shocking end of Act Two reveal.

Step 20: Power-read through until the end.

Step 21: Probably sleep. A little. Just so you don't actually die.

Step 22: Realize quickly that sleep is overrated and you MUST GET BACK TO THE BOOK BECAUSE IT'S THE END NOW AND YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS DEAR GOD JUST TELL ME.



Step 23: Settle into reading nook. It could be the nook you set up previously, or it could be a new one (your bed, perhaps... make sure you have the correct number of pillow with the correct amount of firmness, that water and snacks are nearby, and that the air temperature is to your liking).

Step 24: Read like you have never read before. Read like your life depends on it. Read like, if you stop, all the characters WILL DIE. You don't want that on your conscience, do you?

Step 25: Triumph.

Step 26: Collapse from reading overload. Cry into your tissues or your dog's fur. Let Twitter know all the capsy feelings in your heart. Take a jog around the block to let out some energy. Haha, no, just kidding. Obviously you should eat an entire tub of ice cream in one go.

CONGRATULATIONS!! You have earned the coveted Book Binge Award. This award is given in recognition of your unparalleled commitment to the consumption of the written word and your astonishing dedication to your couch potato craft. You've earned this, my friend. I couldn't be prouder of you.

I promise you, the disorientation and loopiness will wear off.

You know. Eventually.