It seems like everyone these days has opinions about the right way to be a book blogger. Well, all those people are wrong. WRONG. Only I know what it takes to be a real book blogger. Step into my office, children. Follow old Rafiki, he know the way.
The DEFINITIVE (TM Buzzfeed) List of Things You MUST DO to Be a Book Blogger
(which clearly don't include being able to spell "blogger" because that is the third time I have typed "blooger")
(petition to rename it "blooger")
1. Have internet access
At least once a decade, probably.
2. Know what a blog is
Internet place. Place for words. And gifs!
3. Never use gifs.
4. Know what a book is
Expensive way to level a table, amirite?
5. Post at least once a--well, once
I ran once, like, four years ago, but I still count as a runner.
6. Know how to read
Look at you! You're reading this post right now!
7. Never post negative reviews
Never post reviews at all, really. Just talk about how nice and rectangular books are. And how good they are for leveling tables.
8. Drink tea while holding a book
You must photograph yourself doing this as evidence. Or else it didn't happen and you can't be a book blogger.
9. Don't talk to people
People are not books. They're not at all rectangular. We dislike that.
10. Own at least zero books
If you don't meet your book buying quota each month YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US
11. Understand Mean Girls references
On Wednesdays we reference Lindsay Lohan movies
12. Get a lot of Arks
Arks are the be all and end all of book blogging, you guys. You never know when the big guy upstairs is gonna pull another full redo on our turd planet to flush out all the Trump supporters.
13. Don't waste your Arks!!!
You're not a real book blogger if you get Arks and then don't use them. Think of all those other bloggers who are now going to drown in the second apocalypse just because YOU were too lazy to assemble your Ark properly! Tsk tsk.
14. Follow all the blogging rules.
Wait, what are the rules?
15. There are no blogging rules.
But you just--
16. If you do not follow the blogging rules, we shall throw you into Mt. Doom.
But how are we supposed--
17. Do not question your blogging elders.
Oh, and never fucking curse.